The Fun Starts Now
by Jane Myers Drew, Ph.D.
by Jane Myers Drew, Ph.D.
Cheerleader Jane here with a bundle of ideas for those of us who would love to connect with someone special. Not everyone wants a love relationship and that’s fine. For those who do, getting out into the world is one of the best ways to increase your chances of meeting someone special.
For some of you, this may feel easy—you’re already pros at getting out there. For others, it may feel like a big, even scary leap. So today I’m offering ideas for baby steps—gentle ways to make things easier and improve your odds of meeting a good romantic partner.
Here we are… getting ready to date. I know this can bring up fears and insecurities, but it can also be interesting, meaningful, and even fun. These are first steps toward the love you want in your life. And remember, while you are looking for a romantic partner, you may also find new friends along the way. We all need meaningful connections.
Imagine I’m standing beside you, taking these steps right along with you. It’s been three years next week since Patrick died, and I, too, want companionship again. So let this be a joint effort—with support for both of us.
Hang on to me as I offer some ways to begin connecting with others. The more you venture out into the world, the easier it becomes. Practice builds confidence. Even if you feel rusty at first, you’ll find your rhythm. Not every situation will be a fit—but some will be gems where you’ll meet like-minded people you connect with on many levels.
Finding social events near you is easier than you might think. Here are some possibilities: workshops, classes, arts and crafts, photography groups, book clubs, game nights, food tastings, spiritual retreats, walking and hiking groups, and more.
Here are a few websites to explore:
What classes appeal to you: arts and crafts, photography, investing, learning another language… the list is almost endless. If a classroom setting isn’t right for you, how about book clubs, game nights, food tasting activities, spiritual retreats, line dancing, pickleball classes, walking and hiking groups—these are just a few of the things you can go and do.
Classes that run for several weeks or months are wonderful for connection because they allow relationships to grow naturally over time.
Places to look:
This one may sound quirky, but don’t dismiss it—it can be surprisingly powerful.
Ask a friend, male or female, to pretend you’re meeting for a first date. Stay in character for a set amount of time and practice asking questions, listening, and sharing about yourself. At the end, reflect together on how it felt and what you learned. It’s a gentle way to build confidence and comfort.
If you’re not usually the one who initiates plans, this is also your invitation to begin. My second husband, Jeff, was generous and gregarious and often invited people to gather. He noticed that many didn’t reciprocate—not because they didn’t care, but because so many people struggle to reach out. Jeff chose not to take it personally and continued to be the inviter.
Side note: Jeff died of stage 4 lung cancer in 2012. Nine years later, I met Patrick, the love of my life, who also eventually died of stage 4 lung cancer. Both men brought enormous joy into my life. I miss them deeply.
And still—I cherish love, I cherish sharing my life, and my heart remains open to new love.
If you’re ready to invite a touch of romance into your life, dating apps are one of the most common ways people meet today.
You can search online for reviews of apps. Some are geared toward serious relationships, others toward casual dating. Some are for certain age groups. Many allow you to specify age ranges and preferences. Personally, I’m interested in someone closer to my own age.
Here’s a gentle reality check: many people report response rates of about one in ten. If you reach out to ten people, you may hear back from one. That’s normal. I share this so you won’t feel discouraged.
If there’s mutual interest, you might begin with a phone call or Zoom conversation before meeting in person. After a good talk, a “double yes” can lead to a date you actually feel excited about.
This person may or may not become an important part of your life. But every genuine connection offers growth, learning, and the chance to practice openness and presence.
I’m excited for you. And I believe it’s good for us to keep meeting new people and learning about their worlds.
Just know I’m here—and our Dare To Love Lovers community is here too—cheering you on as you create more connection, friendship, joy, and perhaps even a lasting romantic love.
Where are you with all of this dating stuff? Are you hesitant? Curious? Ready to jump in? If you’ve tried dating recently, how did it go?
I read every message, and I truly value hearing from you.
SHARE… If this newsletter touched you, feel free to share it with a friend. They can sign below to receive newsletters and get updates about Dare To Love: Falling for a Man with Stage Four Cancer, along with a playful “Dare-To-Love” Quiz about their own love style.
ASK ME… If you have questions or ideas about topics you’d like me to address, I’d love to hear them.
